BEFORE....

My friend told me she was awakened the other night by her neighbors having sex. She was knocked out, sleep had found her and all of sudden at 3am the moaning and groaning starts. Her resolution was to go into the next room and continue with her sleep. They were making their own personal music and it was too much and too loud for her to get back to sleep. Wonder what made them create that soundtrack?

We both told our own personal stories, and laughed hysterically at the reenactments’ of the sounds that escaped their space that night. But you know me..

BIG THINKER.

I wonder what got them to that place?

Are they married? Is he one of many lovers? Maybe he was someone’s husband, or she someone’s wife. Maybe he was a stranger. But how did it start?

What I am learning about myself daily is that the BEFORE interest me.

I see couples in places doing things that lovers do, and I wonder……… How did they get to that place? What did he say to make her love him? What did she do to make him see the beauty in her?

What was the precursor to their moment?

I see pregnant women alone and I think somebody someplace, BEFORE that pregnancy occurred did something to make her let her guard down. If it was a mistake, what happened before it was a mistake?

I see single mothers trying to mentor young sons and I think How did she end up alone? What happened BEFORE she was a mother to a son?

What did the father of this child say to her to get her to that place that my friends neighbors were at 3 am?

What words came before?
What actions came before?

What GAMES were played before?


BEFORE’S are the easy part. Because that’s when everything is beautiful and life is extremely grand.
BEFORE’S inspire us to be unconventional, to take risk, to be who we never thought we could be.

But then there’s AFTER......

When we have to acknowledge the decisions we made in the BEFORE and live with them

forever.

BEFORE’S interest me. Because I thought about it, and I wondered…..

Before isn’t the reason I am single. Or is it?

Maybe I ignored what I saw before I was in too deep, and didn’t acknowledge it until after. Maybe I knew it before I started that it wasn’t the right situation for me to be in, but I was willing to deal with the consequences after.

Maybe who people pretend they are BEFORE isn’t who they really are AFTER.

I don’t know. But I wonder….

I WONDER
if I will ever get to a place were my BEFORE and my AFTER feel the same...and most importantly if AFTER will ever feel better than BEFORE.....

If this moment I am in RIGHT now is the BEFORE to something GREAT, I embrace that.

Because Im in an OK place right now. I cant complain. There is beauty in my solitude.

I have time to think,

reflect,

perfect

and

BE........

All things I need BEFORE I can move into a healthy relationship.

What I can say for sure is that who ever receives who I become AFTER

will be a lucky man.......

Yeap. A VERY LUCKY MAN.......

This is kinda random I know..... but hey, its my blog and I can do what I want. LOL

Hope all is well in yalls world.

LOVE YALL

ShellZ