ShellZ World......

I’ve been in a strange place lately.

It’s almost as if I am somewhere between complacency and ambition.
Like there are things I want to accomplish

But
I’m ok if I don’t



I feel really loved
So many people have been hitting me up
Encouraging me to write
Telling me they believe that my talents are going to take me some place

It’s a nice feeling



No news in the relationship department
But I did have an epiphany the other day

I think I’m living in reverse
The people closest to me know that I am a relationship type of girl
I love being in love
always committed myself to relationships
even if the other person wasn’t committed to me



I’ve planned weddings
and unplanned them
been a step mother to someone else’s kid

stopped buying nine west boots
and started

Buying size 9 Jordan’s and video games
had heart to conversations with an 11 yr old
told him I loved him like he was my own
and I would never leave him

but I did

because
things fell
apart

and I suffered a loss
because a part of my heart belonged to that child

Yall
I was a wife
even a mother

It
just wasn’t recognized according to society’s definition



So
That explains why I’m not in a rush

To
be tied down
because in some way

This is the first time in years that I’m free.....



Don’t get it twisted
I have lonely moments

but they subside
especially when I think about how much work it is to
maintain the happiness of myself
and someone else

It’ll happen
when it’s supposed to……

Ummm what else,
folks have been really working my nerves
concerning religion
I am so sick of seeing people on face book
bashing Gays
talking about people who curse or do certain things
that are spiritually insufficient

but they aren’t living right

News Flash

If you are having sex without being married
You aren’t any better than the person who drinks or smokes
If you aren’t being a supportive husband to be your wife
You aren’t any better than the guy who cheats on his

Hypocrisy and Shellz
don’t work well together

When I say I’m judgment free

I mean it


On a positive note
I’m seeing an increase in black love
a couple of my friends are getting married
having babies
finally being treated the way they deserve
and it makes my heart smile

I LOVE IT!

The other day
I was sitting on my couch
With my laptop on my lap
candles lit
Stevie Wonder blaring from my Ipod doc
and

I just sat there for a second and took it all in
I thought about some of the people I know
who are empty inside
have money, decent credit scores
homes, cars but are still seeking something
they go to bed, sad inside
or sacrifice peace of mind just to have counterfactual happiness

and
I said out loud

“Thank you God”
for my eyes

for the ability to see what I have
as opposed to
 what I dont have

and
 for the aptitude to smile

when I have more month than money

for possessing the spirit of expression and indication
and allowing it to fill me up

when I feel empty....


I
 have a lot of bad days

But
They aren’t EVER unbearable

And
I’m grateful for that................


WELL..........
I think thats about it over this way

Nothing has changed

It is what it is



And



I’m cool with that…



Love yall,
No really I do!



-ShellZ