“Can I ask you a question?”
“Yeap wassup”
“Why do black women or women period swear they want a good man
But when they get one they intentionally mess up the relationship?”
“Why do you say you are a good man?”
“Because I am… I know I am”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I do any and everything in my power to make my woman happy”
“What qualifies as any and everything?”
He sighs
He sighs
it’s taking me too long to give him a response……
“ShellZ I give her anything she ask for, even if I can’t afford it I make it happen for her”
“ShellZ I give her anything she ask for, even if I can’t afford it I make it happen for her”
“Oh ok”
“Plus I support her, provide for her, push her to be the best she can be”
I take a few seconds to digest that, because he is so serious….
I’m on the end of the spectrum that kinda makes me uncomfortable so I have to remind myself not to say what sounds nice but to speak the truth….
………..
“But yea ShellZ I’m trying really hard to give her all she wants but she always complaining, never satisfied, always finding something to be mad about”
He makes the sound of a man who has died a thousand deaths…
I take a few seconds to digest that, because he is so serious….
I’m on the end of the spectrum that kinda makes me uncomfortable so I have to remind myself not to say what sounds nice but to speak the truth….
………..
“But yea ShellZ I’m trying really hard to give her all she wants but she always complaining, never satisfied, always finding something to be mad about”
He makes the sound of a man who has died a thousand deaths…
“Get tired of that shit”
“I understand……. so have you talked to her about it?”
“Yea a thousand times and she always saying I’m not giving her enough time to get adjusted to the relationship”
(((( (pause)))))))
I don’t want to hate but to keep it all the way real…. THAT’S THE DUMBEST SHIT IVE EVER HEARD…
(((((play)))))
“Hmmmmm what does she mean get adjusted? Haven’t yall been dating for a while now?”
“I understand……. so have you talked to her about it?”
“Yea a thousand times and she always saying I’m not giving her enough time to get adjusted to the relationship”
(((( (pause)))))))
I don’t want to hate but to keep it all the way real…. THAT’S THE DUMBEST SHIT IVE EVER HEARD…
(((((play)))))
“Hmmmmm what does she mean get adjusted? Haven’t yall been dating for a while now?”
“Yea for a minute”
(((( pause))))
Yall can stop reading now if you want. I know this conversation is long and drawn out and it doesnt end all happily ever after-ish
((((play)))))
“So what do you want me to say?”
(((( pause))))
Yall can stop reading now if you want. I know this conversation is long and drawn out and it doesnt end all happily ever after-ish
((((play)))))
“So what do you want me to say?”
“ I guess just give me some damn insight because I’m trying really hard to make this woman happy”
“I can’t speak for the entire female race but I know several women who would gladly take a so called good man and love him with everything they have. Honey they are ready and waiting ”
“are you one of those chicks?”
“Nope”
(((((Silence………. ))))
“Hello?”
“Nope”
(((((Silence………. ))))
“Hello?”
“Yea my bad I just wasn’t expecting to hear that from you”
“Just keeping it real”
“Why aren’t you one of those women ShellZ?”
“
Because I have the potential to be just like the woman you are complaining to me about”
“But how? You always say how you are tired of these men who play games, why would you intentionally pass up on a good man?”
“But how? You always say how you are tired of these men who play games, why would you intentionally pass up on a good man?”
“wouldn’t pass him up, but I’m not ready for one yet”
“ What the hell? I’m confused.. when you gon get ready?”
“When I’m at a better place within”
He chuckles
I’m dead serious………
“what’s funny?”
He chuckles
I’m dead serious………
“what’s funny?”
“ I dont know”
“me either.....”
“So you think my chick wasn’t ready for a good man and that’s why she is acting a damn fool”
“So you think my chick wasn’t ready for a good man and that’s why she is acting a damn fool”
“Possibly”
“So how do you tell if a women is ready for a good man”
“She receives you”
“what does that mean?”
“She receives you”
“what does that mean?”
“She receives you. Just as I said…. Loves you easily, leaves the baggage behind, opens the door to the potential yall have as a couple
without hesitation”
“ But….she said what she wanted was to start a relationship with me. So now I’m being penalized because I took her at face value?”
“ But….she said what she wanted was to start a relationship with me. So now I’m being penalized because I took her at face value?”
“I wouldn’t say you were being penalized but……….”
He’s pissed now..... interrupts my sentence
"That’s exactly what it is ShellZ!!!”
I wait a second to make sure he has finished his thought….
“She said those things, but did her actions illustrate what she said?”
He thinks about it… reflects for a second
“Not really, I’ve been working on making her love me, and trying to prove myself for a long time”
“Sounds to me like you’ve punished yourself then”
“But she is a beautiful woman and I know that she can be a great wife and mother one day in the future”
“Well I guess you will just have to wait until the future to see if you get what you want”
((((Pause))))
Ladies, how many times have we had similar conversations with our girlfriends? its nuts that we forget men have similar concerns
(((Play))))
“ShellZ why are women so complicated?”
((((Pause))))
Ladies, how many times have we had similar conversations with our girlfriends? its nuts that we forget men have similar concerns
(((Play))))
“ShellZ why are women so complicated?”
“ Friend ,Why are men so uncomplicated?”
I stump him….
I stump him….
He has no retort
“Shit I don’t know.. anyway so you saying a woman can say she wants a good man all day but if she isn’t ready to receive him then its basically a lost cause”
“Shit I don’t know.. anyway so you saying a woman can say she wants a good man all day but if she isn’t ready to receive him then its basically a lost cause”
“Gold star for you… yes that’s exactly what I’m saying”
I determine that I need to go ahead and conclude this conversation soon because I can tell he is really thrown off…
I determine that I need to go ahead and conclude this conversation soon because I can tell he is really thrown off…
so I say....
“that’s some bullshit”
"Yea it kind is.. but look at it this way…. We know that to whom much is given much is expected so If I am given a great man… I am required to be a great woman. Which could mean me having to let my guard down, shut up sometimes, let my man be the head of the household, let go of the strong sense of independence I have, and be trusting…... and that’s a scary thought”
“you think me being labeled pussy whipped by my friend’s aint scary?”
We die laughing
“You’re right.. I’m just telling you like I would tell one of my girls.. You cant make someone be ready to love you like you want them to love you”
“So what do I do now?”
“hang in there I guess”
“really?”
“Yeap because you love her, and there is nothing wrong with fighting to maintain your relationship if you think its worth it ”
“Would you hang in there”
“ Prob for a little while”
“Really? for how long?”
“Until I had nothing else to give”
“I’m almost at that point”
I dont touch that last comment with a 10 foot pole........
I dont touch that last comment with a 10 foot pole........
its not my place....
“Why are you...... as you say........ at this place within?"
“Why are you...... as you say........ at this place within?"
“Because I’ve been trying to create relationships, destiny, life long partners out of people who weren’t really interested in that ”
He breathes heavily
Says.....
“So now you’re paying all men back by not being open to love”
He breathes heavily
Says.....
“So now you’re paying all men back by not being open to love”
“Kinda”
we laugh again
“Damn you keep it so real”
“Try to”
“So when do you think you will be over your bitterness”
“ Why does everyone keep saying that?I’m already over it, I just know I’m not in a place within where I can be a good woman to a man. Part of growing as a person is self evalutaion”
He breaths that a thousand deaths breath again
“ I still don’t understand”
“Don’t try baby, its just where I am and what I stand firm in”
“But I want you to be happy”
“I am”
“But I want you to be happy in a relationship ShellZ”
“ Why? so I can be having this same conversation with you in a few months but only about a man?”
He sighs and says
“You make me fuckin sick”
We laugh again….
I typed all this to say that women are just as screwed up as men sometimes..We give men a hard time. But we too can bite off more than we can chew. I know I couldn’t handle a “good man” right now.. I’m still working on me.
Let me be the first to say
He sighs and says
“You make me fuckin sick”
We laugh again….
I typed all this to say that women are just as screwed up as men sometimes..We give men a hard time. But we too can bite off more than we can chew. I know I couldn’t handle a “good man” right now.. I’m still working on me.
Let me be the first to say
Though the direct result of my lack of interest in a relationship
AT THIS TIME
comes from
pain,
Experiences
Experiences
MISTAKES
I PROMISE I am not holding myself captive from a relationship..
I’m just working on being mentally, physically, and emotionally prepared to be in one again.
I refuse to race against this imaginary clock that supposedly keeps track of the amount of time we are supposed to wait to “get back in the game”
I don’t have it in me to do that anymore…
I’ve been down that road. Rushing situations, manufacturing relationships that I know weren’t meant to be, working tirelessly to make someone be my potential mate when the writing was on the wall in
I PROMISE I am not holding myself captive from a relationship..
I’m just working on being mentally, physically, and emotionally prepared to be in one again.
I refuse to race against this imaginary clock that supposedly keeps track of the amount of time we are supposed to wait to “get back in the game”
I don’t have it in me to do that anymore…
I’ve been down that road. Rushing situations, manufacturing relationships that I know weren’t meant to be, working tirelessly to make someone be my potential mate when the writing was on the wall in
bold
RED LETTERS and they Read: HE IS NOT IT SHELLZ
I take responsibility for that. Some of my failed relationships were my fault. I knew what I was getting in to, and the demise was written in stone from the very beginning. As women we gotta put some of the Onus on ourselves and except responsibility for the fact that all too often
I take responsibility for that. Some of my failed relationships were my fault. I knew what I was getting in to, and the demise was written in stone from the very beginning. As women we gotta put some of the Onus on ourselves and except responsibility for the fact that all too often
we cause our own pain.........
I’m learning daily to love myself enough to get to a place where I no longer feel like I have to accept anything other than what I know I deserve.
And its happening
Slowly but surely…
SLOWLY……………….
I’m learning daily to love myself enough to get to a place where I no longer feel like I have to accept anything other than what I know I deserve.
And its happening
Slowly but surely…
SLOWLY……………….
4 comments:
haI missed you and your words... stay a while chile..
_nysh
i have a friend in a similiar position as your friend. and he is the most stubborn and quietly egotistic person i have ever met. he is not a jerk, but for the last 2.5 years he has been trying to will his way into a lady's heart. he gives more effort than most married men and they might not even be "official". i dont know because i dont ask. I told him a long time ago to match her effort and see what you have. i also said that for the effort you put forth, you should at least have no doubts about her happiness with you. because there are millions of black women in need of a good man like you. plus many will work for you. if he doesnt value himself and his efforts in the relationship, he will continue to make the same mistake. and at this point in my life, i just dont have too much time, energy or sympathy for people who hurt themselvesr
Amen FRQ!!!! Amen...
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