WEB'S

We weave tangled webs for ourselves.
Get caught up in the lines and directions of our own mess
and then...

Asked to be rescued

Im bad about that
Always going against the grain not trusting my own judgment

or

listening to the devine

which leaves me in an all too familiar place

Feeling empty

Doing what I want to do with my life
Living by my own rules
Paying attention most

To shellz plan
Not his…

That’s when things fall apart

When we live life by our own design

We wake up in the middle of the night and say
I no longer want to live this way

I want more money
I want a man
I want a baby

I want a new title

And then we devise a plan
Put that plan into action and

Viola!!

We have the life we want.

But getting what we want doesn’t always equate to happiness.



Im getting to this place in life where I want things to happen organically for me

I don’t want to turn a man into my husband
I want him to be made for me

I don’t want to continuously work for people to respect my strengths and attributes
I want to be in a position where all of those things come naturally

My friends think Im crazy because Im not actively seeking
What they consider to be
“happiness”

“ShellZ don’t you want a husband?”
“Shells don’t you want a house?”
“Or a better paying job?”

Of course I do…..

But I want them when they are supposed to happen for me.


Happiness to me is sitting in this one bedroom condo
With the walls the color I want them to be
With noisy neighbors
Minimal food in my fridge (because its just me)
Candles
Music
Books
Good Friends
Talents
And Bills paid
Having no surplust the end of the month doesn’t excite me
But I would be less excited if I wasn’t breaking even

I have peace for the most part and I pray daily that God allows me to maintain that
Peace.

My home boy told me tonight that Im fine the way I am
And I told him

Im not…...

REALLY Im not.....

I could be closer to God
I could be more kind to people
Work harder at being what God wants me to be
But I recognize that

And I know that the key to things happening
“Organically”
For me is to include the
Purest source of my strength

in all that I do

and most importantly have the
FAITH
and patience to wait a little while longer to obtain
What I believe with all my heart is destined for me

Happiness..

TRUE HAPPINESS

That last………