Yes I am......

Saturday


One of my closest guy friends and I were having one of our
Monthly ramblings and catch up conversations


It lasted
4 whole hours

Man…

he's so effin complex
so am I......

that’s why
we get each other
but
he
stings me
every damn time we talk
and

without trying....

Because he makes me think

and process stuff that
I hadn’t quite thought about processing

He’s NOT
one of those

“Oh ShellZ your prince charming will come one day kinda guys”

He’s more of a

“What are you doing to make your self available kinda guy”

That slays me

But I need those kind of friends ........

And that conversation got me to thinking….

I’m really
NOT

putting myself out there
And
that’s probably why my dating roster is so limited

( But I'm kinda cool with that though)

 And I'm wondering Why???


Anyway......
he stung me when he asked

“Shellz, have you prepared or even thought about the possibility of being single for the rest of your life”

I answered……

“Yes”

Because
Well, I am.........

I’ve built myself a house made of those feelings

And it’s
a comfortable place to live.......

But I don’t

LOVE

living there….

Its similar to where I am in my life
I rent an amazing space
Its decorated and clean
It feels like home

And its suits me well

But…

I don’t OWN it


Just like I don’t
Quite
OWN

being single the rest of my life....



I’ve just become accustomed to it
Because

its compatible with where I am in my life.......


In hindsight, it hit me that
I gotta do something about my singleness

if nothing else...
Make a decision about some things

Choose the rain
or the
Sun....

But  Yall I’m not rushing into anything
My mind wont even allow me to do so….

But I think I’m just about ready
I think....

We will see

I’m just holding myself accountable for the situation I am in
And taking responsibility
for what I need to do to change it

Am I cool with being single?

Yes

Does it scare me in the least

Hell no!

Am I wiling to settle for some foolishness?
Come on son? ((gives the screen the side eye))

Am I capable of loving someone whole heartedly again?

YES I AM……