Unanswered Questions

I’m not easily impressed, and to be honest
 I’m kind of contrary

I’ve made it my life’s objective
To distance myself from most things that appeal to the masses

They like to be down
I find ways to go up

They’re here
I’m there

and though often times there is loneliness in that
there is a also
a Peace
in it all

I can’t think in assemblage
or agree with mass produced thoughts

Which is why I struggle so much
with organized religion

Yall
I am really at a cross-roads now
Because I found a church that I really liked

I was growing spiritually there
Felt like GOD was actually talking to me
in that place

I attended events, and services
and there was authentic joy

The designated pastor made me want to read my bible
and seek
understanding
for myself

I didn’t run into a lot of people
That were bible thumping, unyielding , hypocritical
“christians”

Everyone just seemed like they were chasing after
GOD’S heart
and
I loved it…

And then it happened

There was scandal
and the writing was on the wall
Things were done to people that shouldn’t have been done
evidence was there
the media gave it additional breath
and it become more alive than ever

and I sat back and watched
and waited
on my spiritual teachers to offer guidance
but they didn’t…....

They just said
Think like we think
Don’t ask questions
Just
Believe what we say
 and understand that the
"Christ Like"
Thing to do would be to try to “resolve” the situation, and move on

and
I understand that
In some ways I even agree
But why is there no room for questions?

When did it become wrong to ask someone to show accountability?
Isn’t that the message given to parishioners

Sunday after Sunday
to take responsibility for your sins
ask for forgiveness, and move on….

I don’t know the accuracy or
Legitimacy of the information brought forth in the scandal
But I know that something seems a little bizarre
and questionable

and I don’t think its right for someone to answer them

By saying
"Just believe what I say"

*Sigh…


This is so hard yall.. because
I know there is no perfect church
and scandal, and down-falls are all a part of life
but I’m so confused right now…..

and to be honest I feel severe disconnect


Man...
Organized religion wears me out
because so many people Just
“Play” church

They

Go through the motions
Quote scriptures because they’ve known them since they were 6
But have no idea true meaning of the words


On the other hand

Spirituality
Now that, I totally understand
because I know

GOD is real

But the “CHURCH”
that’s a whole different beast
that daily I am starting to have an aversion to

They have become enterprises these days
businesses, selling hope, and redemption
but lacking

HUMILITY

which is the epitome of who
CHRIST was
He was so humble

But in the words of Gandhi

“ Our Christians are so unlike our Christ”



I really don’t know what I am going to do
or how to process this situation

But I put it out here so that if you guys have any
Guidance to offer

I can take it….



Deep situation huh?



Yea I know….
and

I don’t expect to get a lot of feedback…



But like anything else with me.. if its on my heart
I have to say it, because in some odd way
It helps…



Anyway…..



I love yall…..

No, really I do….



ShellZ