33

This year
 I decided to open my eyes and see the greatness in things
I looked at people in the eyes when I spoke to them and acknowledged the beauty I saw  in someone immediately.

If I saw a fly looking sister, I told her
I  saw a beautiful child, I said it.
A man doing something I admired, I acknowledged it
I mean, whats the hold up?

I laughed a lot at 33
I pulled up a lot of memories of very fun and happy times
because
 I have lots of those in my arsenal that I forgot about
and it did me good to live in the past that way.....

I had to remind myself that I can determine the memories....
             
I text and emailed people my crazy and random thoughts without hesitation
and each time I did…
They understood me.
It was validation that I am settling into myself, and people are accepting me as I am.

  I fell back from a lot of relationships, and just let people be who they were.
I didn't fight the resistance of my help.
Gone are the days when my emotions are determined by others

That feels nice

 I ate fruits and veggies, and green shakes made of soy and protein
and ran 3 miles in one day
and hated every minute of it

But I hummed and sang a very happy song happy every time I ate a nice cheesy enchilada with rice and beans
on my couch

and I quit being ashamed of that.

Loving what you see in the mirror is hard and its a battle and I'll fight it when I feel like it, and when I lose
it does NOT define my GREATNESS

I need to do better.
 I will.
but if there are times that I dont

it is what it is....

I saw many friends find love
and few lose it as well

and I took it all in.

I learned from other peoples mistakes
started writing like a maniac
got spiritual confirmation about some things I was stuggling with

I
Buried my grandmother

and mended some relationships I thought were beyond repair

I forgave

and released, and opened myself up to new relationships
sat across the table from folks and told them about my past not as a victim
but as someone who learned from her mistakes

I cried a lot
but this time because I kept being amazed at how sufficient Gods grace is

I had conversations with myself outloud
in the mirror
on my heaviest days

and reminded myself that I have what it takes to do well at what I KNOW I am destined to do

I embarrassed myself, but chalked it up to vulnerabilty
and I know now that vulnerability is good

because it frees us....

I smiled a whole lot at 33
and walked proudly in my personal self

I had some bad days that almost took me down for the count
but God always did what he does

and I thank him EVERY DAY for keeping me...

I had an eventful 33rd year
and
34 is going to be even more Dope.

I know it!
Things are already lining up...

Watch This!