So every week, or 2 weeks, (aaawh shit let me keep it real whenever I feel like it) I log onto my computer and put all my all business “out there” Yall read about my happiness my pain, and for the most part yall know me. I just realized this weekend that no matter how I cut it, I am not Exempt from continuous struggle. Yall know I have a boo. Our situation is normal. No fairy-tale shit, just two people who love each other, growing pains,
Past
Daunting past, haunting past,, painful past, shameful past. But who doesn’t have a past?
I do.
I have been the bleeder most times
and sometimes
I’ve caused the wounds.
I love so damn hard, lay me shit out on the table. Work tirelessly at “keeping it real” being supportive. Listening, Lifting, Loving,
LOVING
But so does
She.
Its so many women out there like me. Half decent, funny, long list of dirty laundry, but at
The present
Im on the rinse cycle
Getting cleaned, soil being removed
He’s supposed to be my fabric softener
Make me feel good, smell good. Gentle to touch.
FRESH
But so is
She.
Why it is there is always some SHE that I must compete with for his affection.
SomeTHING who promises to bring better than I can harder than I can
She just might?
Is it worth the risk
Maybe
I mean she has two breast, a “universe” that gets wet like mine
She brings him happiness
the temporary kind
But she’s not battle tested
Like I am.
Then again she probably is.
She’s fought someone’s battle
My boo looks as SHE walks by.
Stares and wonders
Knows that for the most part
She wouldn’t dare
He shouldnt dare
But
Wonders
Even thinks about testing the water
Probably has
It just hasn’t come out
in his rinse cycle
I'll still be his
Fabric Softner
Nah fuck that...
BLEACH
Yea...
I don’t feel like competing this week
I don’t feel like competing
EVER
In my mind, based on what and who I am
There is NO competition
I’m still thinking, deciding,
FUCKIN TIRED
Already mentally defeated
From my
COMPETITION
Please let me win......
Please?
FYI
She=MONEY, WOMEN, CAREERS, MASCULINITY, SELF INFLICTED PAIN, LIFE, LOVE, EMOTIONAL UNAVAILABILITY everything...
Im stressed.
Heaven I need a hug.
Tryna Stay relevant..
Shelley
7 comments:
Shellz,
The words are deep and I can relate. I have been there a time or two or maybe three. Keep doing what ya doing!
Some men are so stupid. I think u r beautiful. What eva he did to hurt you is uncalled for. I read your blogs all the time. I would marry you tommorow if I could.
-Your biggest fan...
WE LOVE YOU SHELLZ!!
Hey Shelly,
Its yo boi Terry from the ville. send me your email on myspace, so we ccan talk. You know how I feel....
Shellz,
Just keep doing you. Guys have self-esteem issues that we(females) will NEVER understand. I have watched the men(father, grandfathers, uncles, cousins, boyfriends)in my life allow "she" to affect their relationships time and time again. I would love to have an honest conversation with a variety of men to explian why they have such a hard time staying focused in relationships because I just don't understand it...we are suppose to give them our undivided attention, but we only get a piece of their attention. I swear somedays I just want to throw the towel in on this whole dating thing...because I really don't have the patience to continue to go through this.
But in the mean time...Stay strong and try not to worry about it too much. He's a Typical man and that's what they do!
Love ya,
Chelle Belle
@Kazeh0- Thanks girl, I appreciate the love
@Anon- Why cant you marry me? lol?
@ Anon- I love you too!
@T- Knowing how you feel.. thats scary. LOL!
@ Chelle- You betta quit singing my blues, Im hanging in there.. Maybe......
Love ya girl
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