Good Men do STILL exsist!!
I looked back over the things I have written in the past, and I realized I haven't paid homage to the men that have been wonderful in my life. I think I neglected to write these things because secretly as a woman I have been harboring pain. It is a pain that generations of women have felt through out the years. You know, the pain that comes after you have been mislead, treated unkindly, abandoned, lied to, or loved unrequitedly. It takes a while to get past that pain, but honestly the more I think about the "GREAT ONES: I find it easier to let go. I wanted to spend a few moments to discuss the fact that there are some Good Men in this world, and these men deserve to be noticed. I think the definition of what it means to be a good man can have diverse definitions, and my definition may not be yours. I can only speak for what's important to me, or what I recognize as "my truth".
To some, a Good man may be someone who spends, or provides them with the material things they cant afford. My definition is quite the contrary. I've met men who CANT afford to spend and are honest about that, and to me that speaks in volumes. I also know that to some women a good man is one who can…. Uuhm well how can I say this??? Slang the Pipe, and once again to me that's quite the contrary.. Just because a man is "useful" in bed doesn't mean he is useful to society. I think this might be the reason we have so many single mothers. My theory could be wrong, but I've been a victim of penis-amnesia a time or two and I know that sometimes we allow the physical to out weigh the mental or emotional.. The questions I have asked my self over the past few years is .. how important is that? I couldn't let that be my definition, but hey….. to each its own.
I think the definition of a good man should be defined by a person's character. I guess because I am so intuitive, I try to see past the physical and look into the substance of a person. Don't get me wrong it hasn't always worked, (hence various failed relationships in my life) but for the most part I think you find out the substance of a man through conversation, engagement, and spiritual discussion.
There are some men, (who I know personally) who are just like us ladies. They have been hurt, they feel like nice guys finish last and that men who try to "do the right thing" are often overlooked for guys who portray that bad boy image. These men have told me numerous times that they really do want a good woman to nurture and provide for, but they just cant catch a break. I really feel sorry for them yall, because I know that I have a played a part in the deconstruction of these men's "substance".
I remember talking to a friend one day about a guy who was really nice, and had a great job and personality and she started her sentence with all his great qualities and then she added in at the end…. the statement all mean dread.. "But he doesn't have" he doesn't have a Mercedes, or he doesn't have enough money, or he's not cute enough, or the most overused one he's not my type.
Ladies what is your type? Is your type someone who's breathing? (sorry gotta call out the ladies who are "loose") or is he someone who talks the talk but NEVER walks the walk? Is he someone who looks amazing on the surface, (attractive, nice car, plenty of cash flow) but miserable on the inside? Or is he someone who is just like you with flaws, issues, struggles and dreams? I ve encountered men who stepped up and fathered their children (and sometimes other men's children) just because it was the right thing to do, I encountered men who struggle through college to get degrees so that they can make a better life for themselves and their future families, I received flowers and, I miss you's just because….. but most importantly, I've encountered "I'm not perfects and I'm sorry's" and that says a lot about a man.
I am not pretending that I haven't been hurt a thousand times over, but I do often wonder if I could have prevented some of those heartaches had I have listened to my inner voice. I wonder if all these years I was looking for the wrong thing in a mate. I'm realizing the older I get what really is important to me as far as compatibility. I'm too old to care what people think anymore. I want the real thing yall. I want a man who's supportive, and kind and who will usher me to God, and who's talented and smart, and most importantly he's gotta be FUNNY! I know he exists because I've encountered him many of times.
I guess I said all that to say…. Ladies we gotta be careful about who we choose as a mate. Don't let the physical outweigh the things that are important. Search inside yourself and decide what's important to you. Is it to pretend to be happy with that "looser guy" you date (oh by the way, everyone knows you aren't happy, your not fooling anyone but you) or is it to have longevity and peace. I know there are some GRIMEY dudes out here ladies, (trust me I've encountered them all) but don't let that wreck your perception.
Your prince charming is out there, he just might not be wrapped in the package you imagined him to be wrapped in. He may be that guy you see on the bus everyday, he could be the guy in church you talk about because you think he's corny, honey he could be the guy in you class who doesn't say much, but you catch him staring at you every once in a while. He could be a janitor for all I know. Open up your mind yall, expand your horizons and rise up from the notions that because one man (or several in my case) screwed you over, you are not loveable. Trust me you are. Men I'm not doing this because I want accolades, or because I'm trying to get on someone's good side. I'm doing this because I've been inspired and I'm slowly receiving the things I've prayed for. I am doing this because men deserve it (some of yall) and most importantly I'm doing this because I want to.
I'm sure I pissed some of my angry sistas off, But Oh well you know my philosophy leave my page if you don't like it.. I know this blog is long and drawn out but I just wanted to put that in the air… I hope yalls week is good, and hope everyone stays blessed…
I LOVE YALL
Stay Relevant
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